Moving house has been an amazing transition for me. I feel like I am 18 again and starting out my life. It is uplifting, motivating, inspiring, emotional and daunting, all at the same time; I really am an emotional melting pot.
My Dad always used to tell me I was too emotional. He is right, of course, as he most often was. I do cry a lot. But you know what? I think it is a good thing to cry. I feel like I need to purge myself of my sadness, and crying is the best way to do it. Sure you feel like a miserable git at the time, but afterwards, so much better. A release is experienced, a lightening, a mood shift. Once those eyes are dried there has been a shedding of another layer, so to speak.
Yesterday I was sifting through all my things as I attempted to de-clutter and organise my new space. I came across an old photo album and some really great old photos of my Dad. Immediately tears welled in my eyes and dripped streaking my face and falling into mini wet puddles around me. I had a really great Dad, we were so close. It sounds strange but my parents still talk to me. I could feel him with me, telling me;
“Stop crying Anit, please don’t be so sad.”
Even feeling him around me made it hard to stop the drowning of tears. He was such a handsome man, and had such a varied, adventurous, adverse, challenging and happy life. I have learned so much from him and his wisdom continues to pop into my mind daily.
I know I need to make the most of my life that I have. We all have one life, regardless of how we choose to live it, the choice really is yours alone. I will continue to travel broadly, write, photograph and continue to keep pursuing the things I love to do, because this is what we are here to do, find joy, love and do things we love.
It sounds tragic but I feel like I am dying. As diabolical as this sounds, the truth is we are all dying. I worry that my sadness and grief is creating a physical disturbance in my body and perhaps generating the very disease that has massacared my whole family. I find it hard to talk about this, but I can write about it. I am really crumbling inside. I present a strong exterior but really I am very soft and emotional on the inside. I cry a lot. I feel sad a lot. I feel sorry that I am on my own. I know it is not healthy to feel so disconnected. Perhaps I need a cat or a dog? I will keep reaching out for company and companionship, I feel much better when I am around my good friends.
The other night I had some friends around and it was lovely. I forced Yahtzee onto them, and with a few Yahtzee rolls they were hooked! Yes!! We all went out for dinner then came home and hung out together playing and drinking tea, it was great. We ended up having a big sleepover! 3 of my friends stayed the night, it really was great fun. I felt compelled to make pancakes in the morning, because that is just what you do when you have a sleepover!
Friendships can bring you so much joy and happiness. It is wonderful to have so many good friends in your life. I love the friends that I have in my life and I always like to reach out for more. I love having connections to friends all over the world, and chatting occasionally to keep up our connection is great. On every trip I take I find new friends and keep up connections as much as I can to keep the friendship alive. We can learn so much from people from all over the world, I love that. I think of myself as a global person. I like to move frequently, I love the freedom, I love to feel the stimulation of new environments and have interesting experiences. This is what motivates me.
I have also taken up colouring. It seems to be a bit of a fad lately with an explosion of interesting adult colouring books in the stores. I have already bought a couple and started to enjoy the meditative goodness that comes from colouring.
I wanted to make this one a little more personal, and really it has been. But why not? Who am I going to offend? I hope you can feel my connection to you as my reader; we really are all very similar in this world, that is another major thing I have worked out. I hope you can find joy and inspiration from my writing.
What is one thing that you have always wanted to do that you have not done yet? Make plans to make it happen! Life can be too short!
Love Anita xx