May has marked the end of another chapter. This year has so far been about short stints in new directions and then corrections back to square one. False starts so to speak. There is power in trying new things and explore, and if we don’t do new things and only wonder what it would be like we would never know. I tried out being a flight attendant earlier this year, and it unfortunately came to an abrupt end only 8 days into the training, due to a major communication misunderstanding. It was very disappointing and the outcome felt very out of my control. I just had to let it go and put it down to a lesson to keep my mouth shut more. Sometimes things just don’t go to plan and that is okay. Maybe the alternative is better anyway?

So last week was the end of my latest relationship, round two. I gave it another chance thinking we could work through things, but the things were just too major! I am a fixer, I like to resolve problems, and I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, but I can not put up with anger management issues or rage, or impulsivity to the point where I don’t feel safe. It was scary. I still see so much good in him, but unfortunately it seemed everything I did was a trigger. I realise now that even if you get along with someone well, there are some core values and behaviours that have to align. Relationships are so complex, but they don’t have to be. At this stage of my life I want my life to run smoothly and easily. Sure there are challenges to work through and compromise, but not in such an extreme way. So now I am back to planning my own life again, and I am already feeling so much better about it all. 

I was feeling so misaligned over the last few weeks, months even. I was out of whack, off course, anxiety surging through me, this intense nervousness and apprehension about the uncertainty of the future. It felt horrible. I was drinking more than usual, every day to ease my nerves. I knew it was bad but I just couldn’t get a grip on myself. And it all came to a head last week. Once the relationship broke down, something else broke inside me too, the bullshit meter! I started to recover as quickly as the next day and I am happy to report I have had no desire to drink in 5 days now. Incredible. It is such a hook alcohol. I looked puffy, my skin looked bad, I was eating more crap and nibbles, and I generally was just keeping my head above water. Anyway, it’s over now, and I already feel better. If you are struggling with an issue in your life right now, try and face it, work through it, find the answer and move through the bullshit. Remember that children’s book, “You can’t go over it, you can’t go under it, you have to go through it.” (I believe this is from the book “We are going on a bear hunt”) The point is to have the resilience to push through the hard things in life, we can get through hard times, and there is always an answer to our challenging problems. Look within, listen to your body, go by feel, and follow your instincts. You know what is right for you. Only you. 

Finally I feel like I am coming back into alignment with myself again. I was moving away for so long, and now I can feel the drift every so subtle, but it is happening back towards me, the me I am meant to be. My energy is rising again, I feel more positive and hopeful, and my future is feeling bright again. 

I am starting a new side hustle in decluttering and tidying. I have already completed one major job a little while back and I am on the verge of getting another job, fingers crossed. This one is much bigger, a whole house, left behind by a mass hoarder, crap everywhere, a complete cesspit, and I am completely thrilled and excited and surging to clean and tidy it all up again! Maybe I will share some before and after photos with you if I win the job? That could be cool! I realise it is something that I am quite good at, I enjoy doing it, I am hyper efficient and organised and I like to see a job done well. So I am hoping I can do more of this in the future too! If you are in Perth and you need help with decluttering please reach out to me! Hey, I would even fly somewhere to get the job done! 

I want to book a few trips for later this year, I am trying to decide where I want to go. Italy possibly in July, Japan and Korea are high on the list, maybe Singapore for the weekend or even a trip back to Sydney? So many places to go and see. My little travel bug seems to be poking me again which is great. I am obsessed with gardens and galleries and places of beauty. I plan to take lots of photos, immerse myself in all that beauty, meet new people, write, be creatively inspired and learn about new places. 

I just wrote this poem, lucky you! (Lol)

Back to me, and how it should be. 

The future is bright, 

I can see the light.

Gone is the grey, 

All the dismay and uncertainty,

Once again it is all about me. 

Relationships are complex,

Sex, ex, car wrecks, 

At times an incomprehensible disaster.

Time to let go,

Go with the flow,

Reign it in,

Let all the light back in.

Plan for a new direction,

It is quite the correction.

I wish him all the best,

But for now, I must let it rest.

Get back to me,

And how it should be.

Living an amazing, happy, abundant and exciting life,

With a lot less crazy strife! 

The end… (But is it? YES, this time it is!) 

Well I think that is enough words for another blog post. I have been writing so much more recently, and it has been great to get back to writing and expressing once again. I love reading comments from my readers, please stop by and say hi! 

Anita xx