I am so consumed by ideas, I am jumping out of my skin. I am so agitated by my thoughts I need to write to exhaust them, some how. Writing them down will hopefully clarify them, make things clearer, and make things all better. Let us see?
I have been attempting to “rest” for a few days, this is not something that comes easily to me, or to those with busy restless minds. I did have an afternoon sleep yesterday for 2 hours and then a long sleep of nearly 10 hours last night, so you could say I am well rested. I sleep easily, and wake wanting to spring out of bed. Blame sobriety for that level of enthusiasm which I know is completely irritating to anyone else. I live alone so this usual spritely morning exuberance can not offend anyone else… unless I have a guest.
Recently I had a big slumber party, it was fabulous. Adult sleepovers are so over rated. There was no funny business, don’t get too excited; a simple consequence of 3 friends wanting to stay (okay convinced to stay) the night after dinner, games of Yahtzee and cups of tea. Oh how sobriety has changed me… gone are the shots of Sambucca at the end of the night, and inappropriate drunken outbursts, replaced by early nights, board games, early mornings, and oodles of clear brain thinking time. Perhaps too much clarity, as one friend said ‘it is good to have a little bit of cloud’, like an opaque view… to make life more bearable.
To be honest seeing it so clear all the time can be bloody annoying. Give me some wonky inebriation, some fun, some escape from a jumbled rambling busy hectic mind. But no, alas, I can not break my good spell. It is near on 7 months now, what a bloody legend. I deserve a big fucking medal for that.
I wanted to write about an epiphany I had today. Life is pretty ordinary. Life is very bloody ordinary. Life is really what you make it. If you choose to make it awesome and wonderful and adventurous, it can be. If you choose to make it boring and dull and depressing, it can be that too. It can be what ever you want it to be. You can make up the rules, you are only defined by your own limitations. It is up to you to choose. YOU are solely responsible for your happiness, your awesomeness, your drive to be successful, what ever that might look like. Told you it was going to get deep…
I currently find myself faced with a blank canvas. I can make my life look like anything I want. It is intimidating, exciting and tantalising all at once. We all have this choice, even if we don’t think we do. Everything can change, in one day, in an instant.
I met this random guy on the cruise in Alaska. He was an American hard working man around late 50’s, he told me after some brief chit chat that 7 days was the longest holiday he had given himself in 30 years. I nearly fell off the boat. Really??? Now that is completely crazy to me. Why do people work so bloody hard? I will be honest, I was worried for this mans health. He kind of looked like he could keel over with a heart attack at any moment, one of those tragic cases of “he died a few days after he retired” kind of story. Sounds tragic, but fuck, life can be like that. Moral of the story, take more holidays! I consider myself semi-retired right now, I am 36. Why the hell not?
As I ease into my new way of life in my new surrounds, new ideas and opportunities are starting to present themselves. Choices and options are opening up, doorways are appearing. I need to continue to allow myself to rest and slow down in order for things to catch up with me. We all need to slow down just that little bit more.
Being bombarded by a million daily options, demands, information and neural stimuli, it is hard to slow down. Sickness sometimes forces us, and I have felt under the weather a bit over the last few days. Which is unusual, I rarely get sick. I am sure my immune system was shot down to pieces by my over racing emotional system, as that has been in over drive lately. Suck it up princess!
Anyhow, that was more of a rambling rant, but I just wanted to get that out of my system, and perhaps it might mean more to you too? I love connecting with my readers and other bloggers from around the world.
I want to share with you a picture a fellow blogger made for me.
So cute!! And I was so chuffed that she went out of her way to make this for me. So kind and generous, blogging is so awesome like that!
Blogging and writing has been such an amazing avenue of self expression for me, I really do love it. And I hope it has enlightened you somewhat to? I hope I can continue to inspire you to live a better life, one that you love, you are proud of, you are excited about and one that fills you with joy. If not, let us make some changes together!
What is one thing that you really want to change, overcome or accomplish? Like immediately? Like NOW?
Love Anita xx