I have decided to hit dating hard. Like smash it in the face hard. Like take no prisoners kind of hard. I wonder why this approach is not working? Bit too aggressive? Lol. Honestly, the world of dating is a minefield, and it seems we are all encouraged to ‘treat it like a job’. Quite honestly, meeting someone compatible has been a conundrum for me for let’s see…twenty years?! Some people just make it look so easy. #lifegoals #relationshipgoals.
You know those shiny happy people loved up all over instagram? Is that even real? I am sure they fought just that morning about some banal crap. Life happens, and I think some people are just a little luckier in love than others. And some people just work damn hard to make things work. I wanted to share with you some of the disastrous encounters I have been experiencing lately. Mainly to remind you what you have is probably better than what’s out there, and to bring a smile to your face basically, because some of this is laugh out loud bat shit crazy. So here are somethings that guys have said to me;
‘Oh no, I don’t drive, I ride a bicycle’. Hey just like you, I love bike riding, but I also love driving my car. It seemed a common theme for the first two dates, they both did not drive…WTF? How is that even going to work? And they did not live close by. Perth is a very spread out city, taking close to an hour to get anywhere on public transport. Anyhow, no car, no deal. And the worst part, one of them didn’t even have a nice bike, but a rusty old shitty Avanti. Not really doing it for me.
‘Next month I am moving to share house with 4 other guys’. Wow. And he was 38. No.
‘I rent in Balga’. Really? Why? Balga is one of the worst suburbs in Perth, it’s cheap, but its bad. Dangerous even, lots of break ins and well known for being a low socio-economic suburb. Perth rentals are super cheap all over right now, why chose to live in an area that is not ideal? I just don’t get it. But what I do know, is I don’t want to be staying over and visiting a guy who lives there. Call me judgemental but that’s how it is.
‘I just want friends with benefits’. Really? Yes really. Men are upfront about their sexual needs, and their desire to not commit. It seems so widespread that there has to be women out there giving them what they want, so now they think it’s totally okay to just ask for that, and get that. Sex, no strings. And this is not a new concept, it’s been going on for years. Perhaps I am just getting too old for that shit, but really I am just not interested in such casual relationships anymore.
Not being honest on your profile. ‘Actually I have 3 teenagers, but I don’t see them’. I don’t know what is worse, the fact you have 3 teenagers, or the fact you do not see them? Like a shitty douche bag kind of a dad. You lost me at 3 teenagers.
‘I don’t exercise, so I have no injuries, therefore I am fit’. Really? I don’t think it works like that. You can’t pull that bullshit on me, I am a PE Teacher. I am also a Health teacher so I can say all that embarrassing up front stuff, like ‘do you have herpes?’ (Or not, but you get my drift.)
‘Yeah I play tennis…like 3 years ago I had a bash around with a mate’ ( more likely 15 years ago) …um I am pretty sure you would suck at tennis. Not that this is a total deal breaker, but the overall fact he was not that interested in physical activity was more the problem. Bet he liked the horizontal tango though! I am sure it wouldn’t last more than 4 minutes with his fitness levels. So harsh, but the truth is a bitch. Or maybe it’s just me?
‘I am a student and I live in Armadale’. You lost me at student, and then you double lost me at Armadale. Armadale is also not a great suburb, but not just that, it’s really far away from me. Like completely the other side of the city. And why would I want to go out with a student? No thanks.
‘Just a quick question, how tall are you? Because I am 5 ft 6.’ Yes that could be a problem. I have dated shorter guys before, and generally I don’t mind height I will be honest. But over time it usually turns out to be a problem. I feel like the man in the relationship, and guys don’t like that. Generally… lol.
‘Do you want to join us in a threesome?’ Um no thanks. I have seriously been asked this at least 3 times.
‘Well technically I am still married, but we are separated, but we still live together.’ Um, that spells way too complicated to me. Sort your life out then get back to me.
It’s tough out there that’s for sure. I have been thinking that it would be better to try and meet guys organically. Like in the flesh. Not naked, but for real, in real life. Remember that? Maybe 20 years ago when that was the only way to meet guys. Those were the good old days. I really am feeling like I am getting too old. They say in China a woman over 30 is on the shelf, Russia it’s 25, India maybe 21. Well 39 in Australia kind of feels like a shelf spot, and I mean, at the back of the shelf, where it is dusty and dark and smells like mould. I used to be at the front, all shiny, standing out, now not so much.
I know this all sounds kind of depressing and it kind of is. I am pretty happy in my own company, fortunately. A companion would be good but I certainly want someone to make my life better not worse!
The search continues! Any hot tips on how to meet a great guy?
Do you have any dating disaster stories to share?