I am pretty chatty. In fact I can pretty much talk to anyone. I realised this recently when I had engaged my 5th stranger for the day in conversation; I have turned into my Mother. She used to do this all the time, and at the time I thought it a little odd. Although she had always done it, I never quite understood why. Now I do. It makes perfect sense.

You see, when you live by yourself, and do a lot of stuff by yourself, every single human that crosses your path looks very interesting.

“Look, a human!!” said with glee, a giggle and a little ‘oh toyota’ jump.

The more time I spend by myself, the more I like to talk to strangers; it’s like a direct correlation, an obvious consequence. Luckily I like spending time with me. But there is only so much you can entertain yourself. Then you really  need other people to make life way more interesting. I do wonder why it is so hard to find people to spend time with sometimes. I realise it is the consequence of our current world. People are busy. People have partners, children, dogs, jobs, plants, schedules, timetables, demands, stuff. Who knows why, I just know they are flat out running around doing so much stuff, they can barely call you on the phone, let alone catch up in person. A sad reality, but one that is very true.

I have another bone to pick with society and where we are headed. What is with all the self serve machines popping up pretty much everywhere? I saw one at Ikea the other day, one at the post office, one at my local shops, one at my library. These are all places where I would happily much prefer to talk to a human. One of those rare creatures that pop up from time to time. I feel quite sad when I have to face another machine, after a quiet day with little human contact, long queues at the human aisle is off putting. Slowly I drag myself into the self help row. Beep, beep, beep. Boring. No one to chat to there. I still find a way, somehow.

I realise now how wise my Mum was. Chatting to strangers is largely very rewarding. You  can learn a lot. Something completely new, or even make a new friend. I have made some new friends recently from striking conversations with new people. I feel like new people come into your life at random times, sometimes you are there to help them, or vice versa, or it’s mutual. Either way, it’s just nice. And beats machines any day.

I find myself in a little conundrum. If conundrums can be little? All my family passed away quickly. My Mum was my best friend, so not only did I lose my Mum, I lost my side kick, my buddy, my confidant, and the best human on the planet to hang out with. I was lucky to be so close to her. She really didn’t want to leave me, but sadly it wasn’t her choice. Her life was cut short at 59. This has taught me so much. Mainly to make the most of your life, live in the present moment and be grateful for everything you have around you. It has also just made me so appreciative of the time we spent together, which now I hold dear in my memories.

Perhaps it was weird to be best friends with your Mum at 35. But I didn’t care. We didn’t care. We did everything together. Which makes her disappearance from my life so much more obvious. Like a big black vacuous gaping hole. And somedays I stay in and peer down into that black hole and wonder what to make of it all. I realise now I have complete freedom and could do anything I want in the whole world. But what? What should I do? This is an overwhelming, slightly odd human problem. What should I do? What could I do? What could any of us do? It will come to me. I know it will. I have felt like this in the past when I am unsure of my next move, it usually comes to me in a light bulb moment, and boom, I am off on the next adventure.

I would fall into a doldrum, flop on my bed, mope around the house and whine “what should I do with my life!!!!” dramatically like an irritating teenager. Except I was 34. Seriously. I have always had big dreams, and a wide open mind to the possibilities of life. I am almost overwhelmed by choice and freedom it paralyses me and I don’t know which way to go, what to do, etc. Argh, talk about first world problems right?

Does anyone else have this problem? Most people look like they have it all together, but I am not entirely convinced anyone really knows what they are doing. We are all just bumbling along doing the best we can with what we have in this current moment in time. Life sure is a perplexing challenge at times. A wonderful, diabolical, tedious, fun, easy, hard, rolling, tumbling mess of a thing. It really is what you make of it.

Clearly I have way too much time on my hands. Thank you holidays!

Yours in craziness,

Love Anita xx

Feel free to say hello lovely human! 🙂