Wow, I really seem to have my cranky pants on right now. Hopefully by the time I have finished this post, I will have shaken them off; and be blissfully naked and happy. Like a nude toddler roaming giggly in a grassy backyard, how free and happy do they look? I want to feel like that, immediately.
Cranky pants, we all know how that feels. No one likes it. Everyone hates it. But we all get like that every now and again. The world feels heavy, decisions are a challenge, everything is boring, a cosy bed and fluffy doona seem like the only solution. Or that block of chocolate. Mmm, chocolate, it really can solve a lot of problems.
When everyone you love is dead; it can at times feel overwhelming. I feel overwhelmed. Sometimes I wonder how I have come this far, how will I carry on? Fortunately time changes everything, nothing stays the same, everything evolves, our bodies, our thoughts and our mindsets. What can be a terrible moment one minute, can turn out to be fleeting. I am waiting for the fleet to pass. Pass god damn you.
I try and be grateful. But everyone is dead.
I try and think positive, but everyone is dead.
I try and think forward into the future, but my loved ones are all dead.
Dead dead dead. Even the word sounds so final.
They should not be dead; not yet. It is too soon. I am only 36.
I need to find new loved ones. Immediately.
My loved ones are irreplaceable. Inconceivably irreplaceable. You can not just go get new ones so quickly. Loved ones take a lifetime to evolve into loved ones, and I am picky. I love easy, but I am not always loveable. I can be a pain in the arse. I know I can.
I do not tolerate fuck wits. Or dickheads. Or incompetence. Or disorganised incompetent dickhead fuck wits. I used to. Trust me, I have seen and experienced plenty of them, but not anymore, not this clever brown duck. But gosh, it’s lonely and awfully cold at the top… (lol).
Recently I nearly had a punch on with this guy I could not stand. I literally wanted to punch him in the face. I can be aggressive, with my tongue, not so much with my fists. We verbally punched each other in the face I could say. F bombs, I even dropped the C bomb, oh yeah I was totally pissed off with this guy. He knows who he is. He will never read this, even if he did, which I hope he would, I would say it all over again. G*(&*&^&%&^(**&*&(()_)(_)(_)(*^$#$#$^&*( yourself… you can fill in the blanks.
I do not like violence or conflict, but some people are just so aggravating. Why is it we have such a clash with some people? An energy difference? A personality clash? Too similar? Who knows, but it does happen. We are not all the same, and this is a good thing, in the long run, when you do not want to punch someone…
I try to be amicable, friendly, reasonable, polite, mature, but as I grow older and smarter I realise one needs to be more selfish, more aware of what we want, and stand up for what you believe, and drop a few c bombs every now and again, that’s super mature. Or you will be walked all over. Taken advantage of, and that my friends, my dear readers, whoever you might be, as no one comments so who the fuck reads my blogs I do not know… is not cool. It is about having an opinion, and sticking to your guns. No one likes wishy washy indecisive Ingrid. No, be assertive Astrid.
So, my cranky pants are now around my ankles, I metaphorically fling them in disgust well away from my usually awesome positively vibed aura. Bring on the positivity. Bring it on.
P.S. Not my usual type of post, but hey every day is different right? And it’s my blog, I will write what I want. 😛
P.P.S Please comment. Even some slagging might be kind of fun. 😉 Wouldn’t it be cool if that dick head guy I wanted to punch read this? Bring it on I say…Maybe there is some confusion who that might be… there have been a few lately… haha! My cranky pants are officially off, I feel so much better now. Nothing a bit of writing can’t fix eh? Oh and I can say this post was mostly powered by the half a block of Cote D’Or Noir Puur… Praline dark chocolate I have recently purchased here in Belgium. Yummo. Ok, bye. No really, bye.