Reinvention: My endless pursuit for change.

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A sunsetting sky line never ceases to amaze me. Just as the ocean is different every day, so too is the evening sky at sunset. I also love all the amazing colours you can draw from nature.

I am a constant seeker of reinvention. I find it really exciting this idea of re-designing my life, re-creating my reality, and having a chance to press the re-set button. I don’t know why. Why can’t I simply be happy with the life I have?  I do not know. But what I do know, is that I love the idea of random acts of change and have be known to make some pretty crazy radical shifts in my time, so far. But hopefully the best is yet to come!? I predict more radical random acts of change in the very near future!

Once I sold up, packed up, gave away all my possessions and moved to Guatemala. In 3 weeks. Crazy right? I even had 2 cats and some goldfish, but I managed to get it all sorted in time. I was looking for change and it fell in my lap in the form of a job offer to teach PE at an International School in Guatemala City. I said YES. I packed up, gave my abrupt notice to my present job, sold, gave away or threw away as much as I could and stored the remainder, and took off on a jet plane. I was excited by the opportunity to reinvent myself. And I did.

Living in ‘Guate’ was a wonderful experience with its fair share of highs and lows. I wrote about my experience living in Guatemala when I was living there for the year, hoping to one day turn it into a memoir. My point of this story however, is that I was possessed with the idea of radical change, and that is what I made happen.

I also once took a job teaching English in Japan. Now not all good plans work out. Like this one for example. I have never suffered culture shock quite like I did when I stayed in Japan; I felt like a giant awkward marshmallow woman, and felt frustrated by my inability to communicate or understand pretty much everything going on in such a “Japanified” country. I felt like their doors were still pretty closed to foreigners. I felt like an alien. But much less cooler.

So moving to Japan didn’t work out so well. I intended to stay for 3 months, but instead ran away at a fast pace after lasting only 3 frustrating, aggravating and confusing weeks. So sometimes my radical push for change does not quite work out so well as planned. I can laugh about it now, and in fact it makes for a good story. And it is called LIFE EXPERIENCE! At least I tried. I would return to Japan, with a Japanese person; who can speak and translate everything, this would make everything so much better!

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I photographed the sky at an evening concert I went to recently, and this is the result. There was a storm brewing and in turn we had some rain after a very warm summers day.

It happens to me every so often, this spell, this burning desire, this voice in my head, who incessantly demands change. And it is happening again. It would be easy to be like a normal person and want to buy a house and work a normal 9 to 5 job, and have a dog and cat that love each other, and hey why not throw in a hot husband (even a pudgy cuddly hairy one would do, did I mention I have a thing for chest hair? LOVE IT!! I am even ambivalent about back hair, am I not your perfect woman?). But no, it is not that simple. I look around at my nice little home that I have created for myself and in one breath admire its beauty and colourful adornments, and in another perspective I am wishing to sell it all, give it away, or store it, and GO. Go is a little abstract I know. I am formulating a plan. Slowly but surely one is gaining traction and becoming more and more realistic.

I have grand ideas to head off overseas, travel about, do lots of writing, and take millions of photos. I am always so inspired when I travel, and I always meet lots more people, and really cool interesting people who are doing interesting inspiring things. I would love to do some big cross country/continent road trips, work some random jobs, and capture the beauty where ever I find myself. This sounds like bliss to me. I am already salivating at the idea of all this wander-lusty freedom.

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All of the three sunset photos were taken in the same evening, only minutes apart. Isn’t it interesting to see the varied effects on colour? I hope you like it too!

So what’s stopping me? Me basically. And thoughts like ‘but I should be settling down’, contrasted with ‘I don’t want to settle down on my own’. And so many other annoying irritating conflicting self doubting thoughts, that shall not be aired. Because I won’t be listening to them! As radical as it sounds, life is for living, for experiencing and for making the most of. I am pretty sure I am not going to look back and regret my decisions to travel and live out ultimate freedom; and if I do, I can fix that pretty quick. I can set up shop again and be still, for a little while again at least, until the next urge to make radical change rears its persistent head again, like a little green pesky monster. My pet monster, perhaps is my best friend in this pursuit of happiness and to lead an interesting, adventurous and happy life.

Cheers to random acts of kindness, adventure, fun and joy!

Love Anita xx

What radical changes have you made in your own life? Would love to hear from you!

 

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10 thoughts on “Reinvention: My endless pursuit for change.

  1. Spot on Michy! But you know me, sometimes I feel there are things I “should” be doing. But I think I need to let go of the shoulds and start doing the “why nots?!” I am formulating a plan…mwwwaaaahhhahaha (evil laugh…) xx

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  2. Mon it might be more complex than always saying yes, for example there is a life philosophy called the via negativa where you focus primarily on not making bad decisions, on when to say no. I find the older I get the more that philosophy seems effective, as the cumulative (and I think exponential) effect of avoiding bad decisions really kicks in. It’s not currently a fashionable (ie commodified) philosophy but that makes it appealing, for me at least. Thanks again Anita for such a well written and engaging post!

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  3. Very true Peter. I am hyper aware of trying to avoid a bad decision that sometimes it can be disabling! Then I get to the tipping point after some time of indecision and make a radical life changing over the top extreme impulsive change; and it usually works out. I dare say life is an exciting adventure, or it’s not; we have ultimate choice. Thanks for your feedback once again 🙂 I am really pleased you enjoy my writing.

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  4. I read your post and found so many similarities to my desire for change. Oh, that re-set button…
    It would be nice to just push it when you want, right? But what if you have two kids?
    To have kids is certainly wonderful, because, essentially, it’s about offering unconditional love and watching them grow up. The wonder of a developing human personality. It’s fun and complex.
    But there are times when you feel like suffocating and no longer find your true self.
    Some people settle down and are not happy, and some others, find complete freedom, but they still feel like something is missing in their lives…Maybe there is the third category: people who settled down and claim they are completely happy. Where are they? I haven’t seen any so far.
    So, what really IS happiness? Maybe the small moments (like some you describe on your post). When you admire a flower, a sunset, see a child smiling…etc.
    There is a book I really enjoyed on this theme: The Importance of Living. by Lin Yutang
    He said it so well.

    I like your post. I wish I could leave on a whim like you do.

    Why didn’t you try to learn Japanese when you lived there? I always thought that is easier to learn a language in that respective country. I learned German in Germany and was pretty easy.
    I realize Japanese must be tougher to learn, but still…

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  5. Thanks for your thoughtful reply. Children are great but I know from my friends telling me how challenging it can be to raise them; they are certainly not a constant source of happiness!
    Happiness can feel elusive at times, I think the cure is to keep reminding yourself what feels good? What brings intrinsic reward? What perspective shift can I make to be in the present and enjoy the now? Now is all we have really, that helps me a lot. I get caught up in the past and future a lot and this can cause unhappiness I think.
    I am crap with languages…I lived in Guatemala for a year and only learnt a handful of phrases! I even had a tutor! We are all good at different things 😉
    I was in Japan for only 3 weeks. Arigato and conichiwa, was about as far as that one went! 🙂
    I will hunt down that book thanks for the tip! 🙂 Have a great day and I hope you enjoy reading some of my other articles too. xx

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