I love Pinterest. I think it is a really fab source of images and a wonderful way artists can share their work. In this post I compile a few images that bring inspiration to my writing and to me, and also serve to give me reminders of my beautiful Mum.

Firstly this image reminds me of my Mum. I can imagine her looking like this in her younger days, with her black long thick flowing hair, and a beautiful big flower in her hair. Flowers were a huge part of my Mum’s life, she would spend many days and years of her life designing and creating magical flowers for bridal gowns, hair clips, or other embellishments.  The joy in this woman’s face reminds me of the way my Mum used to smile. She had such a warmth to her, so kind, gentle, loving and thoughtful; this image for me sings to me and really connects my strong memories.

This cute little poppy drawing is colourful and bright and engaging and also really appealed to me.

I feel like I want to turn this post into a remembrance post for my Mum. It came to me like a lightbulb moment of inspiration as I lay on the beach this morning in bright sun reading a book; this feeling that I wanted to write more about my Mum, who I miss so much.

I think of my Mum (and my other lost loved ones) every day. My Mum died nearly 2 years ago now, and even when I think I am mostly recovered, I still have my days which are sad, teary, and whimsical for a past that will never be repeated. All I have are my memories now, so fond, and warm, and loving; I can not help myself but want to write and talk about her as much as I can, for as long as I can.

In many conversations I have with friends or strangers, I entwine a tale of my Mum. There are so many. She was my best friend and we would walk arm in arm most places we went together. We had an unusually close friendship and Mother Daughter relationship, the envy of many I am sure. I think it was because we only had each other, this brought us closer in many ways.

The other day I went to Fremantle for a wander around, something to occupy my time. I walked, talked to strangers, and wandered through the bustling markets, and bought a fresh juice from a friendly man. I felt despondent on this day. I felt lonely. I was reaching out. I wanted to keep myself busy, keep moving, keep doing, keep being, but my racing mind and thoughts always catch up with me.

I found a patch of lush green spongey grass near some giggling teenagers close to the train station for a small rest. It is good just to be, take stock, enjoy the present moment, I try to do this more often these days. I had bought some chocolate coated prunes from Kukulis sisters; these were my Mums favourites. Often on trips to Freo we would stop in this eclectic delicatessen of european goodies and buy a few, nibbling on them delicately only metres from the store front. I cracked open the sweet and thought of my Mum. I enjoyed the sweet but not as much as I used to. Things are just not as sweet anymore. Nothing is the same, everything is different.

I know life will become sweet again, but right now, they are still very neutral. I am floating along trying to wade through the sense of losing my whole family, an exodus, like I have been left behind. On a small raft, lost at sea, at times a growing swell, sometimes the dead calm of nothing, sometimes a blissful sunrise or a sunset, but alone nonetheless.

 

I know this aloneness is not true. It is just a silly feeling, we are never alone. People are in abundance! It is the connection to people we need to foster more of. Fostering and nurturing a connection, a warmth, a purpose and a dedication. This is what I want, and this is what I need.

Writing is a good way to formulate my ideas and my memories. Get them down, get them out of my head, and it never ceases to surprise me just who they can touch, now that they are in written form. I hope you can continue to nurture the love around you, embrace your ageing loved ones, they won’t be there forever, appreciate them, love them, and hug them.

With love,

Anita xx

In memory of my loving sparkly eyed Mum Stella Bella marshamella.