I am feeling really uncomfortable. Like wearing a top that is too tight, sitting too close to a loud speaker, forced to eat something horrible. Uncomfortable. I am pushing against myself. I am trying to focus on the good. Focus on the good. Focus on the good, for which there is a lot.
I am sitting outside in the garden, a dozen tiny birds flitting around, tweeting, skipping from limb to limb, carefree, not a worry in the world, well maybe the bengal cat leering up from the ground could strike a potential problem. It’s Sunday morning, the last day of rest before the manic stress and overwhelm all begins again. Once I am at school, it is not actually that bad. I get through the day, I kick some goals, I have some challenges, but I deal with them, calm face, happy face, deal with it face. But am I happy? NO FUCKING WAY.
I am uncomfortable.
It is all new. New city, new house, new job, new new new. I like new, well I thought I did. I also have to remind myself that this is the first time I have worked full time since 2012. Yep. That is a long time. I have been practically semi-retired since my parents passed away, and I liked my part time lifestyle. I was earning enough money to keep myself afloat and do all the things I needed to do, and pay my mortgage, so why the fuck not? We work too much in life, and need to strike a healthier work life balance.
I am also swearing a hell of a lot more since coming to Darwin. It comes with the territory. It is an explosive place, no holds barred, anything goes, ruffian culture, sink or swim. Plenty of things can attack you here, crocodiles, infectious mosquitos, belligerent children, and even the weather is set to make me more crazy…I am soon to ‘go troppo’ when the wet season hits. The build up is the worse part apparently, intense periods of humidity, cloud cover, no relief, no rain for months. Apparently when the rain starts, it is so much better, if I last that long.
On a bright note I went and saw Bangarra Dance last night, and it was amazing. Great routines, powerful dancers, awesome props and expressive dance styles, what was not to like? It was very inspiring, and with an equal balance of men and women in the troop, I was super impressed, my year 7 boys should be too when I remind them dancing is not gay, little fuckers. I know my attitude stinks, but I am just shitty. And uncomfortable. But that dance performance was amazing, so go and see them if you ever get the chance, an Indigenous dance troop based in Sydney, brilliant.
I had 2 days off work last week, because I got myself into such a state last weekend I manifested a massive viral ear infection, and flu like symptoms. Being stressed really is bad for your health! On my first day off after the doctors, I went to the mall and randomly went to a bookstore and bought a book. I never do this, as I am a super tight ass and try not spend money on anything, but on this day, I made some exceptions. I picked up this book “Minimalism- live a meaningful life’ by the Minimalists. IT WAS AWESOME. Succinct and to the point, it is a very direct approach to living a better life. I read it with my highlighter in a couple of days and feel really inspired for another major over haul. I now need to go back and read it again and do all the exercises like a class A nerd that I am.
They didn’t bang on just about chucking all your unnecessary things away, they talked about setting up your life in a more meaningful way and focusing on these 5 majors: Health, relationships, passions, growth and contribution. It is not rocket science, but presented in a way that is easily digested, thought provoking and clear. I feel like in life we get easily distracted and bogged down by the pressures of society and what we all SHOULD be doing, but really what are you doing that makes you happy? Are you happy with your life? And if not what are you going to do about it? Because it really is up to you and only you to make positive changes to make it better. Get less attached to our STUFF, work less in jobs you hate to pay for the things you don’t need, really it is quite bonkers what many of us are doing to ourselves, day in and day out. We need a shake up. I NEED A SHAKE UP. I am still uncomfortable! But read the book, I highly recommend it.
What else good happened? I went for a swim at my new local pool yesterday, which I loved, and plan to go again today. It has ocean views and is magic for relaxing. Sun on skin, and a light breeze blowing my worries away I can relax and unwind and not think about all that stuff clogging up my brain cells. Exercise is the best thing when you are stressed, and I know I need to keep up the good habits and keep doing something physical everyday.
I have now been in Darwin for 5 weeks. It has gone pretty fast really. I am growing, I am changing and I am learning a lot about myself and a lot about a new city, and about many new teenagers. I am teaching some great kids, honestly the majority are awesome and I need to remind myself about them when I feel shite. The few who are aggravating, they are the minority. It really is about a perspective shift, focus on the good and stay positive and optimistic.
I hope my challenge is somehow helping you through some of your challenges, we are all connected here, and life really is a work in progress! We won’t get out of this one alive so let’s make the most of it.
I feel a little less uncomfortable.
Yours in chaos,