May again and another anniversary has just ticked over of my dear Mothers passing. It has been 10 years now. Around me a few of my friends are losing their Mums at the same time, which is weird timing, but reality. This is life. Swings and roundabouts. I am in the late stages of grief now, pure acceptance. I know that this was her time. She had a shorter life on average but this was her time. I am okay with this now. I still think of her everyday, and miss her so much. I am lucky to dream of her often. Let this be a balm of reassurance to my friends and others going through the death of their loved ones, that the wave of grief eventually plateaus from tsunamis to rippling pond tides. 

Everything in my life has been on a marching upswing for the past few months. In fact I have been a bit hyper manic, which is great, but at times too much surging energy can be discombobulating. I am learning more and more how to manage my energy, as I know it can swing so high up and sometimes come crashing back down again, for no apparent reason. I have started morning runs again, and this has been channelling my energy well. Cycling to work is also helping and giving me a healthy balanced buzz in the morning. I started drinking coffee again which has not helped to regulate my energy at all! But jeeze it tastes good. I am trying to keep it to a minimum of 2 or 3 per day. Which is no big deal really, and I am talking instant! Not that strong cafe stuff! That would just send me bonkers, cue song! Long baths in epsom salts and bubbles has also been a great way to relax and unwind. 

The best regulator I have found recently has been good old fashioned free time in nature. I realise I need to have my head open to the sky, and ideally my feet on the ground. Swims in the sea and eyes on flickering fire flames, really helped to calm my energy right down to a relaxed state. I need to get away as often as I can to find this calming feeling once again. 

I have started a new job a few months ago and I love it! I have not worked full time in a teaching role for a few years, mostly for fear of overwhelm and burnout. Teaching is very full on these days, and from previous experience I find it just all gets too much. However, over the years I have discovered the occasional gig that is just perfect for me. Just the right amount of challenge and stress but not too much to be overwhelming and anxiety provoking. I am happy to report that I have found it again! I am teaching English to new migrant students from all over the world, across all the subjects in a one class setting. I really enjoy the small focussed group teaching and being able to build rapport and relationships has been wonderful. I even discovered a school garden, where I am planning to build some flower and herb beds for my students to experience the joy of gardening. I also want to create some mosaic stepping stones for around the garden beds. So excited! I do love a good project!

I have also met some one really great recently. He is kind, loving, fun, and we have been spending lots of quality time together which has been just so great. It is only early days but so far it is all going well. I am looking forward to getting to know him better and go on more adventures together. We have a few camping trips planned for the near future which I am very excited about. 

Life has a funny way of correcting itself. It can appear like nothing is going on, or things are not going your way, then suddenly out of no where, the gears change, the train tracks start clicking into a new position, and we find ourselves on a new track, going in a new direction. I felt this happening to me a few months ago. I could literally hear the tracks clicking and changing paths. And now I do find myself in a completely new energy space, that I am enjoying very much. I hope this offers some inspiration to you that life does change, things do turn around, but we have to take action and think big and push ourselves sometimes to make our lives better. 

What are the best ways you have found to regulate yourself?

What is one thing you dream of that you have not done in your life? 

Anita xx