I was out walking around my local park recently, a sunny beautiful Perth day, and I stopped to greet one other passer by. She happened to be in a wheelchair, with severe mental disabilities, I greeted her with “Good morning, beautiful day isn’t it?” Thinking this may not be the best way to greet someone in a wheelchair permanently; I was soon very surprised. Pausing patiently, the lady fumbled her way across a keyboard with one pointy but nubby finger. After about 20 seconds, she presses one more button and audibly I hear my response; “Lovely”. One simple word. Lovely it certainly was. I rubbed her warmly on the back of her shoulders ever so briefly, thanked her for her time and continued walking, musing through my mind traffic jam.

Life is forever surprising. Clearly this woman was trapped in her decrepit body, but she still found the positive. Simple pleasures of a blue sunny sky, can make anyone and everyone feel good. I was pleased I had made a connection with her, her tenacity and resilience with this one simple word was a reminder to me to be grateful for what we have. And this is a lot.

However…life continues to throw curve balls at me. I am feeling some despair right now. The overall crux of my dilemma, is I just do not know what to do with my life. Urghhhh. A continual issue. They say as you age it starts to make more sense, well in my circumstance, it just becomes more mystifying. I have missed the boat with a few societal accepted norms of behaviour, and now my life path has taken such a trajectory, there are just no rule books for this one anymore. Not that I am into rules, more into breaking them, that is way more fun.

Babies. Briefly I will delve into this quagmire of crazy. Firstly no, they are just not for me. But I seem to be surrounded by them, and if not, then prams cram my way, pregnant nauseated ladies push past me, small demanding sleep depriving children squeal around me, mostly petulantly, annoyingly, reminding me that my choice to be childless remains correct. But then I see a cute baby, and think, maybe. Maybe. Just maybe. But so many things (namely MAN) needs to be lined up first. Anyhow, I do not know how the past child rearing years passed me by so quickly. Whatever. Perhaps it is just not meant to be. Don’t sweat it girlfriend. There surely are plenty of other babies in the world keeping it spinning.

I have started flexing my IDEAS muscle brainstorming wild and crazy things to do with my life. Have you ever tried doing this before? It is actually quite fun. And any idea is welcome, although rarely acted on. The fun is in dreaming it up. Because quite frankly, if you can dream it you can do it. Boom. Perhaps I have just been living my life too safe? Do I need to take more risks? Probably. Mmm. Doubt, hesitation, confusion, overwhelm are the plugs to my dreams. What will make us happy? It all seems so fleeting.

Without dwelling on the hows, I am in a fortunate position that I really could do anything I want. I have no one to answer to, no one to be accountable to, no one the fuck cares what it is that I do. I do what I like. But when presented with a plethora of options, it is overwhelming. Diddums. Anyhow, something will work out, eventually.

There have been some deaths indirectly around me recently, which remind me we certainly are not here forever. Time is FINITE. Limited. It will all come to an end one day,  one frightful awful day all of us will be no longer as we know it, this is a certainty. I have a very real view of death, having lost all my family. Trust me I have seen it. The end. And that is it. This is a reality check to remind you and me to make the very most of the time we have here. What can we do to make the most of it? How can we make a difference? Find happiness? Seek satisfaction? Achieve? Learn? Grow? I DON’T KNOW. But what I do know is it is up to us, only us to make it happen.

On that note I will sign off. What is it that you have been wanting to do? Inspire me and tell me your dreams. I will only offer you encouragement. Go for it.

Anita xx