I am having one of those days where I can not make a decision. About anything! Things are coming to a head, meaning, changes are brewing, I can feel it. Or as my Mum used to say ‘I can feel it in my midstream’, which is weird, but she was very intuitive, and used this expression frequently.
I literally just tried to sit in three different places to read a magazine to try and chill my frazzled, complicated and over working mind, and just did not like any of them. I then thought to go back to the first place, and thought, no that’s stupid. Get the computer and write some of this shit down. That might help. It is, so far.
Do you get days like that?? God, its annoying. I was meant to go on a road trip this morning, changed my mind. I was meant to play tennis, changed my mind. I did spontaneously go to the beach, and decided to snorkel in my wetsuit. I lasted about 8 seconds with the snorkel, deciding I didn’t want to snorkel after all, it was murky and a bit too wavy, so I just floated around in the warmth of my wetsuit, starfish relaxing on my back. Pesky indecision, go away.
I then randomly stopped to buy some seedlings on the way home. That was nice. I bought some snap dragons and basil and mint, and when I got home I proceeded to plant them all and make the flower beds all nice again. So that was an accomplishment.
Now it’s too late to go to tennis, and I kind of wish I had. Damn it!
Now my new plan is to drive out in an hour or so up to Jurien, where I was meant to go this morning. Better late then never right? That’s if I don’t change my mind and do something else. OOoooooohhh, how annoying is that?? Today I am lucky there is no one else around for my mood to annoy.
The truth is I am lost. I feel really lost. I don’t know what to do with myself. I am goal setting, and changing my mind, I can’t seem to stick to firm ideas. I want to sell everything and travel, or should I push on and try and stay and make it work? My ideas are completely polarising, completely contrasting, it is one way or another way. Extreme dilemmas. If in doubt, do nothing. So they say.
I am going to get over myself very soon. Make some decisions. Or is not deciding a form of decision making? I know that a brilliant idea will smack me in the face soon enough, and then I just have to have the guts and courage to make it happen. Power is in in taking action.
If you had money in your bank, and complete freedom what would you do? Really I know my position is enviable, but what to do with so much choice? That is the question! And that requires way too many decisions!
Anita xx
Live Your Truth 
One night I had a dream – it was pretty random (being a spy & attempting to get into some powerful/high circle of people by painting their portraits & hating spying, but loving painting), and when I woke up I felt that universe/god/our deeper-consciousness/whatever-you-want-to-call-it knows who we truly are and what we were meant to do and maybe being seen/understood is enough while we muddle through life. Sounds like you are feeling frustrated at changing your decisions, having conflicting wants and no clear goals. You are still making decisions (hey – even getting out of bed is a decision implemented) and I hope some clarity will follow.
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So true. I have been in this frustrating holding pattern for awhile now.
xx
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